Time Travellers

If you could travel back in time, what would you tell your younger self?

I would wrap the younger me up in a cuddle so tight that she could barely breathe and whisper in her ear that in the future she will have the most wonderful, the most spirited little angel in the world to play with.

I would tell her that she would finally understand what it is to feel loved unconditionally, and that pure, unadulterated joy awaited her.

I would tell her that she would be okay, that she had such strength, and that her strength would see her survive every second of turmoil she would encounter.

I would tell her, despite what the news says every day, that the world of her future is much brighter than her past. I would tell her that she really won't hurt as much then as she does now.

I would tell her that her hope for the future, her never-ending optimism was not a worthless enterprise.

What would you tell your younger self?

The curse of an unquiet mind: questions for a non god

What is the meaning we all strive for?

What differences do we intend to make?

What impact can we have?

What worth is there in doing it all?

This cycle?

This day in, day out sameness, which we say is not similar to yesterday, or last month, or years ago when we first noticed this feeling?

How is it not the same as our parents, and theirs before them?

Why do we have blind faith in a bigger picture; a masterpiece which is, in reality, a cylindrical never-ending fresco that repeats and regurgitates ideas, problems and people?

We want better for the next generation, just as the one preceding us had wanted.

They gave up so much, sure in the knowledge that their sacrifice would improve our potential.

Do they regret this now?

And we look at our offspring with the same hopes and plan a sacrifice of our own.

Is that what those before us sacrificed themselves for? For us to also give ourselves away?

Do they look with disappointment or do they see the mirage we've created; mimicry of repeated success?

We allow this sacrifice because we believe that there must be a greater purpose, an unseen meaning.

What if our parents felt the same, and worse, what if there is no hidden meaning, no greater purpose?

Having faith that the questions will be answered means having hope that there is meaning in everything we strive for. It means listening to the voice inside and telling ourselves that we're not crazy.

But what if we are?

Happiness is not having faith in a higher purpose. Happiness is never being aware that there are questions that could be asked of a non god.

Optimism.

Waiting.

Faith.

Synonyms of the damned.

And yet this struggle is touted as proof of a god and we are expected to wait for a benevolent hand to offer signs of affection to the masses.

We ask our non god if it is because we don't believe that the air around us is hard to wade through, and worry that it is because there is no non god to ask at all.

Twelve

Ounces

Standard drinks

Months of the year

Addiction

Hours

Self medication

Years of age

The greatest gift in the world is teaching someone to read

I was a lucky one. I can't even remember being taught how to read, as far as I can recall, it was something that I could 'just' always do. It was and still is the most ultimate of all experiences. I am positive that I do not have to go into detail about the virtues of reading, I would be preaching to the converted.

Today I don't want you to get all worked up about how good reading is, I want you to recognise all the opportunities that reading has afforded you, and then imagine your life without them.

That is the life that so many children I work with will have. They just can't read. I was examining the data for the year level I am in charge of, they are year 7, and some of them have a reading age of a six year old. In fact, an awful lot of them have a reading age of a six year old.

Often when 'society' finds out that teenagers can't read, the blame session starts. Maybe the parents should have read more books ... why didn't anyone notice before? ... surely someone has done something about this before now, and so the cycle continues.

It is a parent's responsibility. It is a teacher's responsibility. It is also a 'village' responsibility. We have to show that we value reading, we have to exchange gifts of reading, and thus increase readings value. We have to do it together - one child at a time - one book at a time.

Swings and round-a-bouts

As you are all aware MOTH (Man of the House) is looking for employment, and that's just hard on so many levels - I am sure you all know why, so I won't go into the details.

What is weird though is that at my job I am sitting on panels choosing people to come and work for me, all the while wishing that MOTH gets a job and feeling that maybe, just maybe if I treat these people with respect, that he too will be treated with respect.

Last week was particularly hard. MOTH received notification from the university telling him that he received a scholarship to train as a wood tech teacher. Cue excitement. He rings the Education Department and is informed which school it is that has accepted him - you can imagine the rest. Apparently he will receive the paperwork in the mail. The papers never come. (You can see where this is going can't you? If this was a movie you'd be hearing the "don't fall for it, it's a trick" music) He calls the school at this stage, and oops ... "uuuum, oooh , aaargh - we don't have any money anymore, sorry there is no longer a job."

Not only was that annoying, frustrating and blood boilingly ( I know that is not a word - but I'm using it and I know you get it) infuriating, it made the fact that he was offered another job two days previously, which he turned down thinking he had received a better offer, so bad.

And this is where the lesson lies - some people just don't think about how their actions can really make someone else's day, or life, really bad.

As I sit, listening to people tell me why I should give them a job. I listen intensely. I look for ways to employ them, and I feel so bad when I can't employ them all. But I haven't treated them badly, and that has to count for something. And surely, in the world of swings and round-a-bouts, in the world of 'see ya on the flip side' and the world of Karma, somehow the way I treat other people might just get him a job.

This is what I just don't get ...

Some people are seriously so nasty. They purposely do things that make other people's days much, much worse than it was ever intended to be in the first place. They relish it. It is like they can't live unless they have done something to make someone else feel hopeless.

Why are they like that? What happened to them to make them think that this is OK?

I have to remind myself that not everyone is nice in the world, and who wants that reminder? Honestly? No-one.

And just when I think there is no hope (and there is a lot of hopelessness out there) I find some evidence of really lovely, heartwarming, genuine people. I get them. I just can't fathom the others.

I've lost my way

It's been a hard term ... DH and I are selling our house, he got laid off, and I feel like I am making not one iota of difference at the moment.

I know it may be a bad move sharing on here, but I've got to share somewhere. I've tried a few other places, but get shut down ... the Aussie way and all that. You know suck it up, he (DH) is probably feeling blah, blah, blah. Essentially, people keep telling me that I have to be strong.

A bit over that to be honest.

And then I get cross with myself, because it feels like all I do is whinge, when honestly I appreciate so much about life, I just want ... well, who knows what I want, it's just not this.

So I sit, and take advice from Goethe: Enjoy when you can, endure when you must. Endure I will, but it doesn't stop ever fibre of my being wishing that this too will pass.