Friday, August 21, 2009

Is it dealing with, or dreaming of, the dead?

I dream'd a dream to-night.

And so did I.

Well, what was yours?

That dreamers often lie.

In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.

O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you ... (William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet)

I am talking of dreams. A series of dreams that I have experienced over a lifetime. Some recurring, others solitary visions that cannot be forgotten. Visits from those no longer with us, offering messages, hope, forgiveness. The most recent was two weeks ago, and it was a dream of one of the students who died in the horrific car accident at the end of June. I felt that I had no right to dream this, that others would benefit from my dream more than me, but it was I who saw the girl - felt her presence, saw her smile.

I have had many dreams; nightmares, night terrors, hallucinations, hauntings. In the clutches of a sickness induced fever I hallucinate. There were many times that my body became paralysed by fear as I felt the stalking presence that chased me endlessly throughout my childhood. 'Fever Dreams'. I dreaded the onset of illness, which was inevitable as I was constantly sick. It was then when I would experience the hell of Hades, and welcome the daylight that would chase the terror away.


True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy ... (William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet)

Is that all it is? A child's lonely, feverish musings? Left without company in a hospital ward, crying herself to sleep? Or is it more? One will never know I guess, but I would like to think that it more. I am sure you're thinking that inviting the devouring beasts is madness, however without acknowledging the truth of their presence, one cannot accept that the others who visit are also true.

A childhood visit from an angel who sat on the end of my bed and comforted me when I was sad.

My mother, who promised to protect me, my sisters and brother for as long as we needed.

My family's childhood pet dog Beau, who forgave us our lack of knowledge about the nature of his illness.

My husband's grandfather who scared me in the hallway of our home.

My dearly loved pet dog Ickus, who continued to run tracks around the backyard.

And the girl, one I taught many years ago, who visited my classroom via my dreams and told me that she was safe.

You tell me - am I dreaming of, or dealing with, the dead?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Kreativ Blogger Award

A massive thank you to Laura Martone at Laura's Simple Pleasures for nominating me for the Kreativ Blogger Award. I am absolutely rapt. Laura and I 'met' through Nathan Bransford's blog, all thanks to one of his guest poster competitions. Laura has offered wonderful and supportive comments, so to have her compliment me in this way is fantastic.
As with all competitions, there are a few rules. Here they are for those playing along:
1. Thank the person who nominated you - Thanks a heap Laura!
2. Copy the logo and paste it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the blogs you've nominated.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs to let them know that they have been nominated.
Now for some oddball information about myself. Hmmmm what would you like to know ...
1. When I was born, my oesophagus was not joined to my stomach, so I had to have major surgery. As a result I have a massive scar that runs halfway across my back, under my arm and then proceeds half way across my chest.
2. I have a double jointed big right toe (weird huh?)
3. I have never broken a bone in my body, but I do have a small chunk out of my front tooth from when I fell over on concrete in grade 3.
4. I had my first (and only) car accident when pregnant due to the condition commonly known as 'Baby Brain'. Seriously I just drove into the back of someone for no good reason at all!
5. I was supposed to go to a new school for years 11 and 12, but didn't like it. In my typically assertive teenage way, I un-enrolled myself at the new school, re- enrolled at my old school and informed my dad that was how it was going to be.
6. I met my husband at a party when I was 16 and he was 18. My dad told me I had to break up with him as he would likely make me miss out on university. I informed him otherwise and had proved myself right by the end of the year.
7. When I was in grade prep, I sneaked out of class to go and read books in the library. I love ♥ books.
Here are the 7 bloggers that I follow. Sometimes I am more of a lurker than a poster, but I do like to read what these people have to say. Obviously, I also follow Laura's blog :)
1. Emily at Too Much Blush. Where I get inspired about all sorts of make up (even though I have no idea)
2. Lucia at Remember Orbeli. A wonderful assortment of fashion, magically sourced from op shops.
3. Big Frank Dickinson at What it is! Musings, meanderings, travels and poetry.
4. Victoria Dixon at Ron Empress. Knowledgeable information about writing and publication.
5. Eric at Pimp my Novel. A newish blog that came about as a result of Nathan Bransford's competition. Very interesting publishing information.
6. Elaine Smith at Still Writing. Follow her journey towards publication.
7. Robyn at The Beautifully Painted Tragedy. A very new blog, but the musings have caught my eye.
Thanks for reading my 'stuff' everyone. For those of you wanting the explanation - you'll just have to wait one more night.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

The dichotomy of dealing with the dead.

The antipodes of that other world -
Oft times leave their respite
To touch, caress, preen, and clutch at those left behind.
To murmur, whisper, cajole -
A personal absolution, navigation, safe keeping,
Or to cast it awry.

They come.
Those true in the knowledge that they served some welcomed purpose.

See me. I am here. Watch me.
There I am - did you notice?
Listen. I have something to tell you.
I forgive you. I will protect you. I am with you - guiding you.
I am content. Here there is only love.
Heart. Beats. Rapidly; breathe.

A gift, a direct contradiction to the other, more egregious visitors,
Invisible harpies who seek out weakness; preying on a febrile mind.
They have no message.
Urgent, frenzied hunting through the tarnished night.
No apparent grudge, only a hubris filled desire to foment irrational fear.

Wade through the fog of time.
Fingertips reach forth and smooth the notches of your spine.
A rapacious grasp slips from your shoulder.
Paralysis. Make your extremities work.

Chase, stalk, loom; gorging on illness.

They come.
A vitriolic scourge that mocks the barrier.

Listen: I am coming, a wheezed breath that does not belong.
Wait: I will graze your cheeks with my yearning.
Hide: I will find you, I can return.

To see one, you must accept seeing the other -
Feel each as unflinching limbs embrace your core,
Leaving and imprint of love - or one of maimed futility.
Cursed foreboding; tainted blessings
All found in sleep.

Breathe. You are safe. I will protect you. Breathe.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Game on!

I am still sick, and have just been sent home from work (eeek). I didn't think I was that bad, but now that I am home, I am grateful that I don't have to finish the day. I have quite a complex idea roaming free inside my head at the moment, and I'm trying to wrangle it into a poem. I do have the title, which is strange as I often work on the title later on. But I am sure this one is it!

Here is the game ... I am going to post the title, and I want you to try and guess what the poem is about. Post your answer as a comment, and we will see who is the closest. I'm looking forward to reading your answers, and I think the discussion will actually help those of you trying to decipher my writing ♥

What do you think , 'The dichotomy of dealing with the dead' will be about?

Thursday, August 6, 2009


Today I logged on and found that I had accumulated 21 followers! I am rapt and would like to thank you all for following my ramblings. I appreciate all the comments that I have been getting, and find all of your feedback valuable.

I love that I have met some new people on line, and that I feel so wonderfully supported with my writing. Thanks heaps everyone.

I am totally exhausted today; too much work and not enough play, so will try to get back to you all tomorrow.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The life of a concubine

In the great palace, opposite the most amazing Taj Mahal, there is a courtyard, overlooked by a series of windows. At each window, there is room for one concubine. Can you imagine yourself there?

For me, the only consolation would be that this was in the Hindu section. The King, after all, had three wives (to ensure that he had the perspective of each of the three major religions), and concubines of each 'variety' as well. Surely he wouldn't have had enough time for me.

That's my modern 'feminist' spin on all things concubine, and all things 'trapped in a window overlooking the King's courtyard'.

For me, some of the things I see in the world are there so that I can be more grateful that ever to have been born when and where I was.