Thursday, January 7, 2010


Son_of _a_PreacherMan         Fight @ Lunch. Oval. Shiz will pay. Hands only

Henrii@Son_of_a_PreacherMan     Fkn h8t that guy. Punch hiz fkn face in will ya

Son_of_a_PreacherMan@Henrii    no worries babe. U going to central tonite?

Henrii@Son_of_a_PreacherMan    Maybe. Dad's stupid GF wants me home – says i'm out 2 much. Stuff her *shapes hand like a pistol*

Dot_527                OMFG fight at lunch. Team Jared <3    

Brittles@Dot_527            Are you crazy? He won't even notice you there *Lame idea*

Brittles@IamAwesum            Jared ' psych- head' Williams planning a fight @ lunch. What an @rse!

IamAwesum@Azzaron            FIGHT. Marrawong High. 1.25

Azzaron                Marrawong High@ 1.25. Meet at bus stop near oval

Proud 2BFOB@Azzaron            You need back up man?!?!?

Azzaron@Proud2BFOB            Fuck yeah. Bring 'em all. Williams letting his mouth run again

IamAwesum                Check it out – Fight at Marra:

Son_of _a_PreacherMan        *delete*

Henrii                    *delete*

Brittles@IamAwesum            get it off!!!!!!!! School has called the cops

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the hell was I thinking? What should I say? I don't know what to say. I feel fucking sick. The blood. It was freaking everywhere. Jesus save me now. I need you man! Where did that fucking knife come from? Is he dead? Can't be. That wouldn't have happened. Man I need something, anything to get me outta this major fuck up. Focus Jared, focus. As far as they know it was a simple fight gone bad. Feel sick, what the hell happened? I wish my hands would ... shit, cops. Breathe man. In, out. Focus. How you going to get out of the one Preacher Boy? Oh God, the blood. So much. He deserved it, I gotta remember that one – he deserved it. C' mon breathe man, focus. Think man. Blood, so much blood. Breathe man. Think of something else. Henrii, yep she's cool, but her face when she saw what I did. How can I get past that? Total shock. It was obvious she hated me then. Wouldn't have pissed on me in a Bushfire. Yeah, you're a big hit with the ladies! Well I was ... Jesus help me. Why do I always have to open my mouth and be an arse? Look where it's got you idiot! Regret is an understatement here man. Fuck. No more of this. Jesus, if I get outta this mess ... just get me out of this mess. I really didn't mean for this to happen. The blood. Is that blood still on my hands? Stomach churning. I'm gonna shit my pants. C'mon man, breathe. They will know. They will know you didn't mean it.

"Mr. Williams ... MR.WILLIAMS. You need to answer the question. As you are aware Steven Nelson has been very seriously injured, and it is clear that you were involved in this fight. We need to know how the other school became involved. There are also rumours that someone filmed the fight on their phone. You do realise that fighting, and subsequent uploading to social networking sites is in violation of school policy. MR. WILLIAMS ..."


The above is my entry in Nathan Bransford's latest comp. It needed to be 500 words and have the definite voice of a teen protagonist. I am comment # 475, and it would be amazing to get some feedback on this. I experimented a little with my writing here. I have had a twitter/ facebook/ blog idea on the go, so decided to use that format for this comp. I like the idea that people get to know others on line, and wondered how well characters could be created in this genre. I think for my longer writing pieces I will incorporate forum discussions, but for the purpose of the competition at hand I think twitter discussion is fine. The intention is to create a teen person with the twitter, and then get inside the head of the protagonist via an internal monologue. Let me know what you think of the piece. Positive and negative feedback will be taken on board gratefully. I am also quite proud of the little, and look forward to seeing my newly invented word entering the tomes of the future.


Lastly – I promise, cross my fingers, yadda, yadda, yadda, that I will explain the latest batch of poems in my next post.

PS – The 'you tube' link in my story is made up – if it goes anywhere ... well, let's just hope that doesn't happen.



  1. I loved how you started. My Minnow did art course work about Barriers - her 'Language As A Barrier' work read like that only with a lot less words.
    A very intense piece.
    Thanks for sharing.

  2. I like the idea that people get to know others on line, and wondered how well characters could be created in this genre.
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  3. Thanks Elaine, your comments made me feel like the type of writing has potential.

    Kanishk, I agree with you. I too wondered how well characters could be developed with this style of writing, however, I think I will work on it a bit more :)

    Thanks for visiting my blog.

  4. it's real! I mean, not your actual story but stuff like this happens all the time and I think you captured the spiralling out of control nature of teen violence and fighting perfectly


  5. I loved it because of it's 'realness' and I love writers who strive to expose/reflect society back to us, in order to provoke action or at least some thought on the issues at hand. You are one of those writers and we need more of them. Great stuff