Friday, May 1, 2009

Live it - own it

Today, thankfully, is Friday. I am utterly exhausted from the week, and yet it all continues over the weekend. But I have learned a few lessons this week; that is, with reflection. I am working through Hannie Rayson's 'Hotel Sorrento' with my class, and despite the fact that I have read it four times now, I am only just seeing some links to myself. One of her characters MARGE, asks whether truth was more important than loyalty. And that is an important question. In reality, being loyal to someone else, often means hiding the truth and therefore, being disloyal to yourself. Sometimes in order to move on, to reconcile life, emotion and the past, one has to acknowledge it, 'own it'. So this is a beginning; I will own it all, and while some may see it as giving credence to those who made me feel this way, I see it as giving credence to myself. In acknowledging my life, I am affirming who I am. To use another, oft used cliche, 'the truth shall set you free'.

Insomnia, what does it mean? It is both literal and a nice little allegory for many, many childhood years. It is the lack of sleep I contend with each and every night, it is the memory of my childhood, often played out at night. It is the fear, the crashing, the banging, the cowering, the crying, the pain, the sorrow, the hell of the night. It is the relief of the quiet, unassuming dawn. It is my life, and I own it.

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