Friday, August 21, 2009

Is it dealing with, or dreaming of, the dead?

ROMEO
I dream'd a dream to-night.

MERCUTIO
And so did I.

ROMEO
Well, what was yours?

MERCUTIO
That dreamers often lie.

ROMEO
In bed asleep, while they do dream things true.

MERCUTIO
O, then, I see Queen Mab hath been with you ... (William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet)


I am talking of dreams. A series of dreams that I have experienced over a lifetime. Some recurring, others solitary visions that cannot be forgotten. Visits from those no longer with us, offering messages, hope, forgiveness. The most recent was two weeks ago, and it was a dream of one of the students who died in the horrific car accident at the end of June. I felt that I had no right to dream this, that others would benefit from my dream more than me, but it was I who saw the girl - felt her presence, saw her smile.

I have had many dreams; nightmares, night terrors, hallucinations, hauntings. In the clutches of a sickness induced fever I hallucinate. There were many times that my body became paralysed by fear as I felt the stalking presence that chased me endlessly throughout my childhood. 'Fever Dreams'. I dreaded the onset of illness, which was inevitable as I was constantly sick. It was then when I would experience the hell of Hades, and welcome the daylight that would chase the terror away.

MERCUTIO

True, I talk of dreams,
Which are the children of an idle brain,
Begot of nothing but vain fantasy ... (William Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet)

Is that all it is? A child's lonely, feverish musings? Left without company in a hospital ward, crying herself to sleep? Or is it more? One will never know I guess, but I would like to think that it more. I am sure you're thinking that inviting the devouring beasts is madness, however without acknowledging the truth of their presence, one cannot accept that the others who visit are also true.

A childhood visit from an angel who sat on the end of my bed and comforted me when I was sad.

My mother, who promised to protect me, my sisters and brother for as long as we needed.

My family's childhood pet dog Beau, who forgave us our lack of knowledge about the nature of his illness.

My husband's grandfather who scared me in the hallway of our home.

My dearly loved pet dog Ickus, who continued to run tracks around the backyard.

And the girl, one I taught many years ago, who visited my classroom via my dreams and told me that she was safe.

You tell me - am I dreaming of, or dealing with, the dead?

7 comments:

  1. Wow. So powerful. I can't imagine dreaming like that. Your writing really does let us peer right into your life, what a privilege for us, and how brave of you!

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  2. When my stepdad's dad was dying, my mom spent a ton of time at the hospital. He dragged on for a long time. They kept resuscitating him. Finally one day my mom went home and fell asleep on the sofa. She dreamed her husband's dad was standing in a field, wearing the outfit he always wore, and looking at her. He waved goodbye and turned and walked into the field. At that moment the phone rang, waking her up. It was the hospital, calling to say he'd just died.

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  3. Dreams are powerful. I've never experienced one quiet like yours, but I believe in angels and loved ones visiting us after their gone - whether it's while we're asleep or awake. Those who we love are never far away.

    And I agree, as frightening as the concept is, you can't have one without the other.

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  4. What an amazing dream for your mum Stephanie! That's a beautiful memory for her to hang on to.

    Em and Steph - the dreams are very powerful, and full of emotion, fear etc. It sounds like a few people think that the dreams are more real than we acknowledge.

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  5. As the song has it: "They're not dead; they're just living in my head."

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  6. Hi, Chris. What an intriguing explanation. I, too, have had "fever dreams" - usually induced by terrible headaches... and sometimes, I'm not even sure that they're dreams at all. But you're right... you can't expect to see loved ones without seeing a few monsters, too. Our subconscious has a mind of its own.

    I think we're doing more than just dreaming of the dead... we are dealing with our own loss. But, sadly, I don't believe the dead can hear us. That's what I get for being an atheist.

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  7. Oh, and I forgot to tell you earlier, Chris, that, for being such an awesome commenter on my and other folks' blogs, I decided to honor you with the "You Don't Say? Super Comments Award"! Come pick it up when you get a chance!

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